The Relationship Between Enabling and Codependency

He or she would be depressed, will have low self esteem and would stop caring for their own selves. Suddenly, their entire life would seem to be only about the person who is the abuser in the situation. Despite being the victim, the codependent person will continue to be tortured and would end up ruining his or her own life. The only fault that a codependent person can be accused of or held responsible for is the enabling acts.

If necessary and necessity depends on the kind of drug the patient is addicted to, medications are used to ease the process of detox. Then, once detoxed, the patient is referred for drug rehab that can take many months of treatment. After all of this the patient should attend AA or NA meetings to prevent relapse. Codependency occurs when another individual, perhaps the addict’s spouse or family member, is controlled by the addict’s addictive behavior.

• None of this is easy and drug abuse is heart wrenching and painful for both the family and the addict.
• Seeking help from a couple’s therapist can also support the transition from unhealthy to healthy behaviors in your current relationship.
• Your loved one may show signs of denial, where they refuse they have a problem with alcohol or other drugs.
• You may have heard the term co-dependency tossed around in discussions about unhealthy relationships.

For information about the terms governing the use of our website and how we handle data, please refer to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy. The platform provides reliable resources, accessible services, and nurturing communities. Its purpose is to educate, support, and empower people in their pursuit of well-being. One of the most widely used questionnaires is the Spann-Fischer Codependency Scale, which assesses factors like extreme focus outside oneself, interpersonal control, and emotional suppression. Other tools include the Codependency Assessment Inventory and the Holyoake Codependency Index. However, codependency often includes an element of “savior complex” that’s less common in DPD.

The Road to Recovery: Treating Codependency

• You can help by encouraging your loved one to seek treatment, and by supporting healthier choices.
• It is the refusal to enable behavior that will ultimately destroy the addict’s life.
• Breaking codependent enabling requires understanding the unhealthy motivations behind it.
• Seeing a therapist and joining support groups can really help.
• In response to his argument and her own fear of abandonment, she apologizes and drops it.

When the death actually occurred I learned that depression was not the issue. Instead, the daughter had a long history of abusing opioid drugs. In actuality, she was seeing a psychiatrist for depression but the daughter and parents kept the drug and alcohol abuse a secret. When her death occurred the family was overwhelmed with shock, grief and loss. Their secrecy was a classic example of both codependence and enabling behavior.

Enablers lose themselves in caretaking driven by fear, guilt, and a false sense of responsibility. While both codependents and enablers struggle with boundaries, the reasons differ. Enablers engage in poor boundaries due to a sense of obligation, pressure, guilt or hope their loved one will change.

Codependents become codependent because they have learned to believe that love, acceptance, security, and approval are contingent upon taking care of the addict in the way the addict wishes. In their decision-making process, they allow the addict to define reality. Unfortunately, this excessively care giving behavior tends to foster even more dependency on the part of the addict.

Remember that by taking responsibility for another person’s problem, you are actually making things worse. Addiction is a disease, and you can’t control it any more than you can control another person’s heart disease or cancer. If you’re doing things for another person that he should be doing for himself, you are probably enabling.

Codependency is when one person always tries to meet the other’s needs, even if it hurts their own life. Did you know nearly 50% of Americans have faced addiction in their families? This shows how widespread the issue is, often leading to destructive relationships. codependency vs enabling Codependency and enabling behaviors often go together, making it hard to escape. Codependency and enabling have important distinctions, but both involve unhealthy caretaking and lack of boundaries. Codependents lose themselves in relationships as a source of self-worth.

Codependency, on the other hand, is the rebellious sibling that refuses to be pinned down by clinical definitions. While it shares the neediness and fear of abandonment with DPD, codependency often involves a more complex dance of control and caretaking. Codependents might oscillate between feeling responsible for others and resenting that responsibility. Sarah downplays the severity of Tom’s alcohol addiction, convincing herself that it is not as bad as it seems. This denial allows Tom to continue drinking without facing the full consequences of his actions.

Teen & Young Adult Treatment Tracks

The purpose of the meetings is to learn form one another how to stop being codependent and how to stop enabling behavior. Now that we can aptly recognize the distinctions between enabling and supportive behaviors, it’s imperative to focus on what we can do to help. Before providing support, learn as much as possible about your loved one’s substance use disorder so that you feel prepared to offer the appropriate kind of help. The central distinction between enabling and providing progressive support is the consequence. When we enable, we inadvertently prevent our loved ones from taking accountability for the consequence of their actions. Ultimately, we assume responsibility for the actions of others and stagnate the process of their recovery or even seeking out and/or be willing to go to treatment.

You’re half of the problem, but 100% of the solution.

This misguided assistance can hinder the individuals’ motivation to seek genuine recovery, ultimately prolonging the cycle of dependency. In parallel, codependency, characterized by excessive emotional reliance on the individual, not only strains relationships but also obstructs the healing process. Sometimes this means seeking treatment for addiction or mental health problems.

Recognizing Enabling Behaviors

However, your focus on helping creates an unbalanced relationship leaving your needs unmet. One of the big misconceptions about codependency is that it’s simply being super, duper nice. It’s true that most codependents are kind and generous to a fault. During this long and worthwhile process, seek out support from friends or trusted counselors. Reach out to a therapist or family support group for help, especially if you’re codependent on or enabling someone with SUD.

They frequently feel responsible for other people’s thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Enabling involves the behaviors, attitudes, approaches, etc. that facilitate, support, or cover up a loved one’s self-destructive patterns or dysfunctional behaviors. This could occur in the context of addiction, mental illness, irresponsibility, or other compulsive or damaging behaviors.

What is the difference between a codependent and an enabler?

Enablement, however, can mean supporting an array of other addictive or compulsive behaviors such as gambling, shopping, eating, hoarding, etc. Truly helping someone is pulling them from the clutches of substance abuse, mental illness, abusive tendencies, etc. Enabling and reinforcing bad habits and behaviors will only prolong their personal struggles. All of this isn’t to say that you’re the problem or that it’s all your fault. But you have to understand that you’re half the problem and 100% of the solution.